You spent months preparing for the baby. The hospital bag, the nursery, the seventeen different types of nappy cream. But nobody… and we mean nobody, properly prepares you for the moment you walk back into the office and suddenly feel like a completely different person wearing someone else’s work clothes.
Returning from maternity leave is one of the biggest transitions a working woman goes through, and yet it’s still treated like it should just be… fine. Like you press play and everything picks up where it left off.
Spoiler: it doesn’t. And that’s okay.
This is everything we wish someone had told us before we walked back through those doors.
The emotional shift is real
Let’s start with the thing most people tiptoe around… you are not the same person you were before you left. And that can feel really disorienting, especially in a workplace that expects you to slot straight back in as if the last several months didn’t completely rewire your brain, your priorities and your entire sense of self. You might sit in a meeting and feel completely disconnected from conversations that used to excite you. You might find yourself clock-watching at 3pm in a way you never did before. Or you might cry in the car on the first morning drop-off and then cry again at your desk because you feel guilty for crying.
This emotional shift is not weakness, and it’s nothing to feel bad about. You grew an entire human being and now you’re navigating a whole new version of your life while also pretending to care about quarterly targets. Give yourself full permission to feel all of it.
The childcare juggle is a full-time job in itself
Another thing that does not get talked about enough… Sorting childcare is genuinely one of the most stressful, expensive and emotionally exhausting things you will ever do. Finding a nursery or childminder you actually trust with your baby, getting on waiting lists sometimes before the baby is even born, and then figuring out how the costs work against your salary, it’s A LOT.
And then there are the days when nursery calls at 10am to say your little one has a temperature and needs collecting. Suddenly your carefully constructed schedule collapses and you’re sending apologetic Slack messages and feeling guilty in three different directions at once. The juggle is real and it doesn’t sort itself out overnight. It takes time to find a rhythm that works for your family, and some weeks that rhythm will not work as well as you would have hoped. And that is okay.
Going back part time before you commit to full time
If there is any flexibility in your role to return part time, even temporarily, it is absolutely worth exploring before you go back five days a week. A phased return gives you time to ease back into the pace of work, figure out the childcare logistics, and check in with yourself about what you actually want your working life to look like now.
The truth is, things shift when you become a mother. Your ambitions might be exactly the same as before — or they might have quietly changed shape while you were on leave. Neither is wrong. Going back three or four days instead of five doesn’t mean you’re less committed or less capable. It means you’re being strategic about your energy and your time, which is actually one of the most professional things you can do.
Make sure to have a conversation with your manager, you might be surprised what’s possible… this also leads us to the next point.
Using your KIT days… No, seriously, don’t skip them
Keeping In Touch days are genuinely one of the most underused tools available to women on maternity leave, and if you haven’t already planned yours, open your calendar right now. You’re entitled to up to 10 KIT days during your maternity leave where you can come into work, attend meetings or training, and get paid for it without it affecting your maternity pay. They are brilliant for easing back in gradually, staying connected to your team and getting a proper feel for what you’re returning to before your official first day back.
KIT days also give you the chance to have important conversations with your manager about your role, your hours and any changes that have happened while you were away without the pressure of being fully back. Use every single one if you can.
Set your boundaries early and actually stick to them
One of the biggest mistakes some new mums make when returning from maternity leave is trying to overdo every single thing. You feel like you need to prove something… so you start saying yes to everything, staying late, skipping lunch, taking on extra projects, all to show that becoming a mother hasn’t made you any less dedicated. But here’s the thing: boundaries aren’t a sign that you’re less committed. They’re a sign that you’re a professional who knows how to manage her time well.
If you need to leave at 5pm for nursery pickup, that is a non-negotiable and it does not require a lengthy apology. If you can’t take calls during the school run, set that expectation clearly and early. The boundaries you set in your first few weeks back establish the template for how your working life is going to run. Be kind but be firm, because nobody else is going to protect your time for you.
Give yourself grace, it takes time to find your feet again
It’s important to keep in mind that it takes time, sometimes weeks or months to feel like yourself again professionally. Your brain is doing something called matrescence, which is the psychological and emotional transition into motherhood, and it is just as significant as adolescence. You might feel slower to process things, forget words mid-sentence or feel like everyone around you is operating at a speed you can’t quite match yet.
This is temporary.
Be as patient with yourself as you would be with a colleague who was navigating something huge in their life, because that is exactly what you are doing. Celebrate the small wins. The first week back done. The first full week of nursery without a meltdown (yours or theirs). You are not behind. You are rebuilding, and that takes exactly as long as it takes.
