If you’ve ever left a meeting feeling unsettled, not because anything obviously awful happened, but because something was said that didn’t sit right, you might have just experienced a microaggression.
And if you’re a Black or brown woman in a corporate environment, the chances are this isn’t a one-off. It’s a pattern. One that’s exhausting to navigate, difficult to explain to people who haven’t lived it, and often even harder to prove. The sort of thing that makes you question your own instincts, your own memory, your own reaction and that self-doubt is part of the problem.
Let’s talk about it honestly, because you deserve real, straight-talking advice about what this actually looks and feels like, and what you can do about it.
What actually is a microaggression?
A microaggression is a comment, question, or action that sends a subtle negative or dismissive message to someone because of their race, background, or identity. They are not always intentional. In fact, most of the time the person doing it genuinely believes they’ve said or done nothing wrong, which is exactly what makes them so difficult to deal with. They live in the grey area between what you can easily prove and what you know you felt, and that gap is an exhausting place to exist in, especially when you’re trying to focus on doing your job well.
Microaggressions matter because they are rarely isolated incidents. One comment on its own might seem small or easy to brush off. But when you are on the receiving end of them regularly, week after week, in a place where you’re supposed to feel professional and respected, the effect on your confidence, your mental health, and your sense of belonging becomes very real and very heavy. This is not about being too sensitive. This is about the weight of constantly absorbing things that should never have been yours to carry in the first place.
They can be verbal, meaning comments, questions, or so-called compliments that carry an underlying assumption about your race or background. They can also be behavioural, meaning actions rather than words, like being excluded, overlooked, or treated differently in ways that are hard to pin down but impossible to ignore. Both are real. Both cause harm. And both are far more common in corporate spaces than most companies would like to admit.
Examples of microaggressions you might recognise
Microaggressions tend to follow recognisable patterns. Once you know what you’re looking for, you’ll start to see them clearly, and you’ll also start to understand that what you’ve been experiencing has a name:
- “You’re so well-spoken” said as a compliment, but landing as surprise that you’re articulate at all
- Being consistently talked over in meetings, then watching a white colleague say the same thing minutes later and receive full credit for it
- “Can I touch your hair?” In a professional environment. In 2026.
- Being mistaken for the only other Black or brown person in the office, despite looking nothing alike
- Having your achievements put down to diversity initiatives rather than your actual ability and hard work
- “Where are you really from?” after you’ve already given a perfectly clear answer
- Being laughed at, mimicked, or made to feel embarrassed because of your accent, as though the way you speak makes you less intelligent or less professional
- Being left out of informal networks, after-work drinks, or the side conversations that actually move careers forward
- Having your communication style policed, being labelled “aggressive” or “difficult” for the same directness that gets a white colleague described as “confident” and “a strong communicator”
- Being the only ethnic minority in the room and being asked to speak on behalf of your entire race, as though you are a representative rather than an individual
None of these are small things. None of them are accidents. They are the result of deep-rooted assumptions, and they add up in ways that can quietly erode your sense of self if you don’t have the language and the awareness to recognise them for what they are.
Why it’s so hard to call out in the moment
Part of what makes microaggressions so draining is the mental load they create in real time. In the split second after it happens, you’re running through a full internal process: did I mishear that? Was it intentional? If I say something, will I look oversensitive? Will this change how people see me? Will it make things worse? Am I going to become “that person” in the office? By the time you’ve worked through all of that, the moment has passed, and you’re left carrying it alone while the person who said it has already moved on with their day.
This mental calculation is something that Black and brown women in corporate spaces do constantly, and it is exhausting in a way that is genuinely hard to explain to someone who has never had to do it. It takes up energy that should be going towards your work, your ideas, and your career. And the cruel irony is that the very act of managing it silently can make you appear disengaged or less confident, which then feeds into further assumptions.
This is not weakness on your part. This is the completely reasonable response of someone who has learned, through lived experience, that speaking up doesn’t always make things better and can sometimes make them significantly worse. Your instincts are not wrong. The situation is.
Document everything, quietly and consistently
Whether or not you ever plan to take things further formally, keeping a detailed record of incidents is one of the most protective things you can do for yourself. Keep a private log completely away from any work systems — use a personal email, a notebook at home, or a private document on your personal device. For each incident, write down the date, exactly what was said or done, the full context of the situation, who else was present, and how it made you feel in that moment.
Be as specific as possible. “On 14th March, in the weekly team meeting, [name] said X in front of [names]” is far more useful than a vague memory several months down the line when everything has blurred together. If there were witnesses, note them. If it happened over email or message, screenshot it and save it somewhere private.
This record does several important things. It helps you see the bigger pattern over time, because what felt like isolated incidents often reveal themselves to be a consistent, repeated behaviour when you look at them together. Documenting everything protects you if you ever decide to escalate. It also helps you hold onto your own truth on the days when you’re being made to feel like you imagined it, or when the self-doubt creeps in and you start wondering if you overreacted. You didn’t.
The truth about HR, and why you need to go in with your eyes open
Here is something a lot of workplace advice glosses over completely, and it does you a disservice when it does: HR is not there to protect you. HR exists to protect the company. That is not cynicism, it is simply the reality of what HR departments are structured to do. Managing risk for the business is the priority, and your individual experience, however valid and however serious, sits within that framework.
That doesn’t mean raising something formally is never the right move. Sometimes it absolutely is the right move, particularly if the behaviour is serious, escalating, or having a significant impact on your mental health and your ability to function at work. But go in with a clear understanding of what you are walking into. The formal complaints process can be slow and emotionally draining. It often requires you to relive and recount experiences in detail, repeatedly, to people who may not fully understand or believe what you’re describing. It can also, unfairly, shift the dynamic between you and your colleagues or your management in ways that are hard to come back from.
If you do decide to raise something formally, having your documentation in order makes a real difference. Knowing your rights also puts you in a much stronger position. If the situation is serious, getting independent legal advice before you begin any formal process is worth considering, many employment solicitors offer a free initial consultation.
Other options worth considering
Formal escalation is not your only option, and in many cases it won’t be your first one. There are other ways to protect yourself and move forward.
Finding a mentor who truly understands the specific dynamics you’re navigating can be genuinely valuable. This doesn’t have to be someone inside your company — in fact, sometimes it’s better if it isn’t. Seek out someone who works or has worked in a similar space, who is from a similar background, and who gets it without you having to spend energy explaining the basics. That might be someone you find through a professional network, a LinkedIn connection, or a community built around Black and brown women in your industry. Having someone in your corner who can offer perspective, share their own experience, and help you think through your options clearly is worth more than most people realise.
And sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is start quietly building your exit plan. Not from a place of giving up, but from a place of knowing your worth and understanding that you have choices. If the environment is consistently affecting your mental health, if the culture has made it clear it is not going to change, if you are being undervalued despite doing excellent work, then planning your next move is not defeat. It is strategy. Build your skills, strengthen your professional network outside of your current employer, and where possible, build your financial stability so that leaving becomes a real option rather than a distant one. Having an exit plan doesn’t mean you have to use it. But knowing it exists gives you back a sense of control that a toxic environment tries very hard to take away.
Finally, you are not imagining it
The most important thing to say, and the thing that too often goes unsaid in these conversations: your experience is real. The discomfort you feel after a comment that “wasn’t meant like that” is valid. The exhaustion of constantly navigating a workplace that wasn’t designed with you in mind is real. The frustration of watching less qualified colleagues move ahead while you work twice as hard for half the recognition is real.
You are not too sensitive. You are not overreacting. You do not owe anyone the performance of being unbothered by something that is genuinely harmful. And you are absolutely not alone in this experience, even when the workplace makes you feel like you are.
Recognising microaggressions for what they are is the first step. Not because naming them automatically fixes anything, but because you deserve to move through your career with full trust in your own experience, a clear understanding of your rights, and the knowledge that it’s not just in your head.
